So you would think I’d be used to this by now. Nick and I broke up…again. Nick told me shortly after getting back together in February that he was going to propose when he had a year sober in October. His roommates were all moving out of their house in June. I knew he wanted to live together before proposing and he needed a new place to live so I asked if he wanted to move in. We both thought about it and talked about it and made the decision to do it. Nick moved in with me in July. All went well for a time.
August got rough. Really I think it was a combination of me wondering if he was ever going to propose (Nick immediately started talking of delaying the proposal upon moving in) and Nick realizing that he wasn’t cut out for long term, committed relationships. He figured out they take work and isn’t willing to work for anything and thinks he deserves everything everyone else has right now. I know I am not the perfect roommate, but I am a good roommate and I am a really good girlfriend. Living with someone is hard, but if you really love someone you work through it. He gave it a couple of months and called it quits.
Nick told me Wednesday that he wasn’t ready for marriage and living with me was really hard and he shouldn’t have moved in with me. He said it was too soon and he wasn’t ready. I said it would have been great to know those things before he moved in. Nick said he wanted to get his own place, but didn’t want to lose me. Ahh the classic case of a man wanting to have his cake and eat it too.
I sat on all this information for 24 hours. Thursday the tears were gone and I told him I loved him and I was still in if he was. I said I could give on the proposal and wedding and that I didn’t want him to propose if he wasn’t ready. I told him that I was willing to stay in the relationship, but that we had to at least stay where we were. I wasn’t willing to go backwards. I couldn’t go back to living apart and just dating a man I thought was going to be my fiancée. He spent about 30 minutes arguing with me about why it isn’t that big a deal for him to get his own place and how I was just wanting it all my way. I pointed out that I was actually willing to compromise and it was he that wanted it his way.
Nick finally realized I wasn’t going to budge and said “So whenever I find a place and move out we’re just going to be done?” I looked at him with that sad face you give an unintelligent person that just doesn’t get it and said, “No Nick. We’re done now.”
Today I have my period and am a total wreck. I need to summon the Superwoman I found within me yesterday.
Affairs of the Heart 